The Structure of Stoic Practice, Part 3: Dealing With Things We Don’t Have
Continuing on from where I left off in the previous post, let’s look at how to deal with the various categories of things and experiences that we don’t have (or at least don’t have yet). Again, this is just an outline, so that I can get the framework of the ideas down on digital paper. I will flesh all of this out with more examples and quotes from classical Stoic literature in future posts.
Things that we don’t have and that we want
- Things that we don’t have and that we want, that are under our control: This is an extension of the things that we have and want, and that are under our control; basically a wish-list for how we want to continually improve in the future.
o Examples: Greater self awareness. Greater ability to analyze logically, see clearly, and choose rationally. Increased ability to accept what we have no control over. Increased capacity to choose to act in the ways that we determine are the most beneficial for ourselves and for others. Healthier and expanded sense of perspective.
o Potential problems:
Complacency
Inattention and lack of self-awareness
o Strategies and practices:
Review every evening not only what you did well, but what you could have done better.
Analyze where you are, and how your actions lead to results.
- Things that we don’t have and that we want, that are not under our control:
o Examples: Anything you can desire that is external to you. Wealth, fame, respect, health, longevity. Certain experiences. Guarantees of happiness or pleasure.
o Potential problems:
Becoming distraught over not attaining them.
Becoming distracted by your desire from them and away from what is more valuable.
o Strategies and practices:
Practice seeing all of these things as external to you, and therefore not worth valuing too highly.
Accept that many of these things may be preferable to have, and therefore do not need to be denied, but that they are not necessary for your sense of well-being in the Stoic sense of the term.
Contemplate how the pursuit is often more enjoyable than the acquisition; having a thing tends to bring about indifference or contempt towards it.
Practice wanting what you actually have right now.
Instead of trying to win praise, practice the art of not needing it.
Be aware of the hidden prices that come with gaining something, and the intengible benefits that can occur when you lose something.
Consider how changing your perspective can alter your outlook on life:
It is better to love than to be loved
Not wanting something is better than having it.
Things that we don’t have and that we don’t want
- Things that we don’t have and that we don’t want, that are under our control: This is probably the smallest and least important category, as it is the one you probably need to spend the least amount of time and energy worrying about. Or not worrying about, if you are a good Stoic.
o Examples: The potential that in the future you could have any of the experiences that you don’t want but that you could control, as listed above - irrational reactions to fear, anxiety, thoughts. Irrational, incorrect or exaggerated representations, opinions and judgements.
o Potential problems:
Worrying that although things are fine at the moment, you could succumb to any of these weaknesses at any time.
Becoming complacent by being too sure of yourself that you are beyond them.
o Strategies and practices:
Practice gratitude for having made good use of your will up to now.
Practice returning to focusing your attention on the present moment, and on your present capacity to deal with things rationally, and trusting that you will have the same capacity to do so in the future.
Accept the fact that you will forget, slip up and make mistakes in the future, and that all that matters when you do is that you try to recover and do better the next time.
Remember that every time in the future that you make a mistake, it will be another chance to strengthen the qualities that restore your equilibrium.
- Things that we don’t have and that we don’t want, that are not under our control:
o Examples: Any unwanted adversity listed above (pain, ridicule, disease, discomfort, etc.) that you are not currently experiencing, but that you could experience in the future.
o Potential problems:
Assuming that you won’t have to deal with any of these things, and then not being able to handle them when they occur.
Allowing yourself to become anxious and distressed at the possibility that they will occur.
o Strategies and practices:
These are mostly the same as the ones you would use if you were actually experiencing any of them, as listed above, with a few additional ones.
Anticipate that you will have to deal with them in the future, so that when they happen, they will be less unexpected and therefore cause less distress than they otherwise would have.
Actively visualize and rehearse how you will handle various adversities (but in a way that is helpful and doesn’t just cause you more anxiety). Analyze a potential situation you might need to respond to, and figure out how you could apply Stoic principles to help deal with it.
When visualizing a potential future adversity, ask yourself, “So what if this happens? Then what?”
As with things that we don’t have, don’t want, but can control, trust that you will have the same capacity to deal with things in the future as you do now. Be confident in the fact that every moment now spent practicing will actually increase your ability to deal with things in the future.
Analyze the degree to which each of these experiences consists of things that are outside of your control.
Practice accepting the aspects of these experiences that are outside of your control.
Do not add anything extra to things external to you. Do not magnify their meaning or significance.
Remind yourself that nothing matters outside of your voluntary, rational reaction to the present moment.
Practice patience, and the endurance of fatigue, discomfort, and hardship (physically and mentally) now, in anticipation of having to utilize those skills in the future.
Look at your future adversities as a training ground, or as a way to prove your resilience and wisdom. You can learn to almost look forward to them.
Contemplate how a painful or unpleasant experience in the future might have hidden benefits or lead to a better outcome later. Dealing with it well might provide you with other opportunities later, or give you skills that come in useful.